The Given Name of a Child is Serious Business (Seriously)


I’ve always been quite fascinated with names and the first thing I think of when I know a new baby has been born, apart from “Is he or she healthy?”, is “What’d they call him/her? God, I hope it doesn’t suck.” And if I know the person well or the information has been made public prior to birth, I want to know; I need to know. I can’t help it; I’m a bit of a name snob.

I have my own definite taste and I know it’s not for everyone, so I obviously get that people have different ideas about what to call their kids. But some names should never, ever be given to a child. Ever. Or, at the very least, there should be some kind of spelling regulation. I have posted about this topic before, but I have a few new ‘gems’ from the unusually-spelled-names mine.

I’m not a name history buff so I’m not sure if there is a ripe history of coming up with one’s own ‘creative/kre8tiv’ spelling for fairly usual names, but it seems to be an increasing trend in various part of the English-speaking West. Here we might refer to unconventional alternative spellings as being ‘Bogan’/’Westie’, which is basically our version of ‘white trash’, except the color of one’s skin doesn’t matter.

Actually, one can give their kid a Bogan name and even be Bogan, but it’s highly likely that one would be*. I know this sounds incredibly judgmental, and it is, because as I already mentioned, I’m a name snob. I’m definitely not a Bogan, and I’m not posh either, by any means. Oh but let’s not get started on those Faux Posh people who name their kids ridiculous things like Montgomery and Prudence because they think it makes them appear more sophisticated. Another day, another post.

Okay, are you ready for kre8tivi’T? Here we go!

  • Aleigha *#8212; Interesting variation on Aaliyah. I don’t actually dislike it, though I’m not a fan of the name in general.
  • Aliychiyah — I’m guessing this is meant to be Alicia, but with the ‘i’ pronounced.
  • Elexcious — I literally slapped my hand over my mouth and astonished-laughed an ‘Oh my God, what the hell?!” at this one. I’m not sure if this is meant to be Elex-see-ous or Elex-shus. Either way, it isn’t good. When I Googled it I got results about Elexious, which is a real name that is listed at name websites. But then I opted for my original spelling and it appears that it is a real name (as proved by ancestry lists) and seems to be masculine, but just pretty rare (like 2 paes rare).
  • Kaytlyn — I really dislike the excessive use of the letter ‘y’ and it seems to be increasingly popular among those who like alternative spellings. Too bad it’s not still the time of Generation Y, otherwise it would be quite fitting.
  • Kristeena — Could be worse, but still.
  • Kortni — This is totally brilliant in a I-wish-you-hadn’t way.
  • Kyrah — This is apparently pronounced as Key-are-uh. ‘kay.
  • Peyghtin — One of my most disliked names and with one more reason to! Who in their right mind…?

And here are some names that aren’t really a spelling thing, more of a made-up-when-drunk-or-high thing:

  • Sir’Ray Kreedell — Bit like ‘Sorry’, which is probably what little Sir’Ray will be when, and pardon the gender assumption, he’s older.
  • De’marquay TylikTie-lick or Til-ick? Hmm.
  • Ja’Kyle Juelz — What’s the ‘Ja’ for? But if you remove the apostrophe it becomes Jakyle which is wonderfully similar to Jekyll!
  • Markalyn Dae’Shaun — It’s the apostrophes; they just piss me off.

So, that was my bitch of the day. I hope you enjoyed this very informative post and feel on your way to being educated about the kinds of names to avoid punishing any future children you may have with. If you want a unique name for you child at least put some real, intellectual effort into it and don’t just use a word scrambler or letter-substitutions!

These names were found in some recent posts at Baby_Names on LJ.

*People that graduate university can still be Bogans though. Please remember that just because someone has a higher-education degree doesn’t mean they are intelligent when it comes to naming their children (Or intelligent at all). It becomes a rarer occurrence, yes, but it can still happen. This is why I urge those of you attending university to encourage any of your fellow students who become parents while at university to avoid Boganism. This may also lessen the likelihood of alcohol consumption during pregnancy so it’s really a double-whammy-win here!