Losing Your Identity After Having a Child


Anyone ever feel like they’re having an identity crisis after becoming a parent? It has crossed my mind on several occasions so I’m just going to talk about t openly.. nothing to be ashamed of here, just pure honest feelings about life.

There comes a time in many mothers’ and fathers’ lives when they sit there and think to themselves, what happened to the person I used to be? Granted, you have a child(or children) now so obviously you’re a different person but do you ever find that you don’t do the things you used to enjoy?

What happens when you come to realize that you are an entirely different person. For instance, I was always a full-time college student and full-time worker in retail. I loved taking road trips, nature, hiking, playing cello (for 13 years), going to classical music concerts, NYC and every now and then I’d read a book if I put the time into it. Once I got married and had children, I became a wife, a mother and a homemaker. That’s it.

Don’t get me wrong, I love being a mother. I get no greater joy than watching my children grow and learn new things each day, but it gets exhausting when you have no sense of self! I guess this blog is all me, but sometimes it’s a chore to even find time to do it. Everything is husband-this, baby-that, dog-this, housework-that.

Not only that, but talking to your not-married, non-parent friends, nearly impossible. Parents talk about what their kids do and poop diapers and sleep patterns.. do those childless friends really care? Probably not. Sometimes there’s barely anything you can even relate to! I guess this is why parents (myself included) go through some sort of identity crisis after they become a parent.

My only solution to regaining a sense of self is to really dedicate a little time, even if it is just ten minutes while the baby is napping, to do something you truly enjoy. Pick up that book you’ve been meaning to read. Throw in your favorite CD that you haven’t listened to in months while you dust the house. Get away for the weekend with the hubby while your parents watch the baby, or even take the baby with you for an unforgettable family memory!

Find new hobbies that can benefit your whole family, like cooking! I’ve always enjoyed cooking but now I’ve grown to love trying new recipes and cooking great meals for my family. And it’s something that can be shared and passed down as your children grow.

Although having children changes a lot, it doesn’t have to change everything. It can become stressful–depressing even– when you realize that the person you used to know is starting to disappear, but be the best parent you can be by taking care of yourself because if mommy’s not happy, NOBODY’S happy!